I bet he comes in French.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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