It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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