Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the condom got lost in my hair
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
