I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
