I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
