You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
