I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
