I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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