I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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