Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
