I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
