She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?