Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap