i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.