new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
