i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
