And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
