So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize