Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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