I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
