The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
