You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
