I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
