just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
