when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
