I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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