I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
