if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
