Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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