Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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