it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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