I hope mine doesn't look like that
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
