Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
