what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
