If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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