First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
