Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
