Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
