i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
