like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
