ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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