That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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