I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize