Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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