I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
