i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
