dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
