my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize