Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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