I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
