I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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