Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
