and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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