I wanna bring you to show and tell
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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