I can tuck mytits in my pants
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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