And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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