chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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