we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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