i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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