my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
