Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
