there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
