Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my being single is dangerous.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
