please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
