My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
