do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
