did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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