your parents love me but you hate me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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