So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
