have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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