The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
