Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
