I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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