Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
