my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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