my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
