There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
