she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
farters have to be the big spoon...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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